the boondocks itis

Don’t worry, it’s not as bad as this

During college, most people don’t have the luxury nor skills to create a healthy, balanced breakfast that is not only quick to make, but is hearty enough to keep you moving. I was definitely not one of those people, and my breakfasts reflected that. Usually I’d have to rock some Cinnamon and Brown Sugar Toaster Pastries on my way to class, clearly leaving the tummy perturbed.

As necessity is the mother of invention, enter the first iteration of the Itis.

My roommate Nick and I used simple ingredients to create a sausage, egg, and cheese muffin sandwich that would bring Ronald McDonald to his knees. As this first Itis has long been retired from making our mornings happy, it is time for the older, more refined Itis 2.0 to get its 5 minutes of fame.

WARNING: I am not responsible for any head trauma due to fainting from the flavor packed into this sandwich.


The Ingredients


Itis 2.0 Ammo

Itis 2.0 Ammo

What you’ll need:

  • 2 Eggo Cinnamon Toast Waffles
  • 1 Large Organic Cage Free Hormone Free Egg
  • 1 Regulation Size Fork
  • 1 Medium Sized Microwaveable Safe Bowl
  • 100% Real Maple Syrup
  • 1 Microwaveable Sausage Patty


Part 1: The Egg

Microwaving an egg may be as weird as scrambling broccoli to some, but it’s an everyday occurrence around these parts. Crack the egg into your bowl of choice, keeping in mind that the shape of the bowl will be the shape of your egg. There is an opportunity to get artsy with it, so choose wisely. After the egg has been split and emptied, stir it with your official fork.

OPTIONAL: add a touch of milk to the egg to give it a bit of fluff power


Stirred Egg

I see the Charmin Bear…or the Virgin Mary


Place your stirred egg into the microwave for 55 seconds.


Microwaved Egg

Very nice

Part 2: The Waffles


Waffles Toastin

Be mindful of the PCC

This step should be done while your egg is microwaving. Find the closest toaster and toast 2 waffles to your preferred crunch coefficient (PCC). Don’t forget about them.

Part 3: The Patty


Frozen Sausage Patty

Don’t worry, you’ll be useful soon

To bring the savory element into the mix, take a frozen, pre-cooked sausage patty and place it in the microwave for 30 seconds, then flip, then another 30 seconds. This will result in an evenly cooked patty.

Part 4: Assembly


The Itis 2.0 Breakfast Sandwich


Now comes the hard part. Put down a waffle, then your egg, then the sausage, then a helping of 100% pure maple syrup, then your final waffle. Voila, a breakfast sandwich that looks good enough to eat and will bring a mild coma to your midday.

Adding Your Own Steez

Think of the Itis 2.0 as a platform on which to build your personalized breakfast masterpiece. Everyone has their own fave flavors to work around, and the sandwich is flexible enough to accommodate the most exacting of tastebuds.

Like it hot? Add sliced jalapenos to the egg before microwaving and throw a piece of pepper jack cheese in there for good measure.

Need more sandwich? Make it a Double Itis by adding another egg, patty, and one more waffle.

Sweet. Savory. Crunchy. Soft. Portable.

Try the Itis 2.0.

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3 Responses to “How To Create The Itis 2.0 Breakfast Sandwich”

  1. I all about that regulation-sized fork life, b.

    But where’s the bacon?

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